A Mother's Agonizing Question

There is a nagging question that haunts me and has haunted me since the day my children became ill. It's a question that every mother who reads this will understand. The question is this: "Could I be doing something more?"

When a child is ill, chronically ill, and that illness is mysterious, it creates a burden on a mother's shoulders that becomes, at times, unbearable.

As we are coming up on 2 years since this nightmare began I can speak from experience.

I have found rest for my soul. So I write this to encourage a mother I may never have the privilege of meeting. Unless I understand and accept my limitations there will be no rest for myself or anyone around me.

So, yes, the answer to the question is, "I could be doing more."

How can this be a restful answer?

Because it is the truth. There is no rest in illusion. We live in illusion all the time. Especially as mothers. Illusions like, "I can't fail. I must meet every need I'm given. I can't disappoint. I have to have it all together. I must not make a mistake."

The truth is I will fail. I do disappoint. I don't have it all together. I make mistakes. Somehow these truths release a lot of pressure. I know that I am limited. I don't know everything about getting through this crisis. I have to let go of doing this perfectly. And that's hard.

It's so hard that I've had this post sitting on my computer for five weeks. I've been hesitant to publish it. Why? Because it's not perfect.

Still, there is one truth that doesn't demand perfection.

I will not give up.


No comments:

Post a Comment